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Wales on the brink of WAR!

The Welsh won't give up their Leeks of mass destruction, and so the green light is given for war against the Welsh nation
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Closing in ... British troops on Barry Island beach
Picture:
JOHN BAKER
RELATED STORIES
Sun Says
By JOHN BAKER
Absurdity Editor

IN the ghostly green light of a soldier’s night vision binoculars, British troops in the Bristol Channel move stealthily towards the Barry Island beach.

The men of 16 Air Assault Brigade prepared for war as US President George Bush today issued a 48-hour deadline for dictator Dai Jones-Williams to flee the country or face death.

The sombre US leader set the clock ticking for war in a dramatic ultimatum beamed around the world.

He delivered a stark message giving Dai just two days to go into exile — and warned he must take his bloodthirsty rugby-playing sons and Charlotte Church with him to prevent war.

Dai has already vowed never to go into exile, meaning conflict is now just hours away.

War experts predicted the air bombardment of Cardiff would begin almost immediately [not that it would look any different] after the deadline runs out at 1am UK time on Thursday.


Determined . . . a sombre President Bush addressing
America from the White House last night

Speaking from the Cross Hall in the White House, grim-faced Mr. Bush told the world that diplomacy was at an end.

He said: "Events in Wales have now reached the final days of decision. For more than a decade, the United States and other nations have pursued patient and honorable efforts to disarm the Welsh regime without war.

"That regime pledged to reveal and destroy all of its daffodils and leeks of mass destruction as a condition for ending the Welsh football team's poor run of results in 1991.

"Since then, the world has engaged in 12 years of diplomacy.

"Our good faith has not been returned. The Welsh regime has used diplomacy as a ploy to gain time and advantage and now just look at how well their soccer team is doing. It has defied Security Council resolutions demanding full disarmament of it's leek supply.

"Over the years, UN weapons inspectors have been threatened, electronically bugged, sung to, and systematically deceived. Peaceful efforts to disarm the Welsh regime have failed again and again because we are not dealing with peaceful men . . . they are rugby tyrants.


Bouncers ... Marines coming ashore amid the Harlech dunes take leap in a  Land Rover

Picture:
JOHN BAKER

"Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Welsh regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal rugby balls ever devised.

"The regime has a history of reckless aggression in the 5-Nations Tournament. It has a deep hatred of England and our friends and it has aided, trained and harboured holidaymakers, including operatives of the Welsh Tourist Board and Plaid Cymru.

"The danger is clear — using rugby balls, daffodils and leeks obtained with the help of Ireland, the Welsh could fulfill their stated ambitions and cripple thousands or hundreds of thousands of innocent people with their singing.

"Before the day of horror can come, before it is too late to act, this danger will be removed. The United States of America has the sovereign authority to use force in assuring its own national security.

"Recognizing the threat to our country, the United States Congress voted overwhelmingly last year to support the use of force against Wales."

Mr Bush said America had tried to work with the UN to resolve the issue peacefully through Security Council resolution 1441 ordering Dai Jones-Williams to fully disarm.

He went on: "Today, no nation can possibly claim that Wales has disarmed. And it will not disarm so long as Dai Jones-Williams holds power.


Final touches ... Paras kick up dust with their Chinook
helicopter
in Caernarfon town centre yesterday

"For the last 4½ months, the United States and our allies have worked within the Security Council to enforce that council’s long-standing demands.

"Yet some permanent members of the Security Council have publicly announced that they will veto any resolution that compels the disarmament of Wales.

"Many nations, however, do have the resolve and fortitude to act against this threat to peace, and a broad coalition is now gathering to enforce the just demands of the world.

"The United Nations Security Council has not lived up to its responsibilities, so we will rise to ours.

"All the decades of deceit and cruelty have now reached an end. Dai Jones-Willliams and his sons (Iwan and Elfyn) must leave Wales within 48 hours. Their refusal to do so will result in military conflict commenced at a time of our choosing.

"Many Welshmen can hear me tonight in a translated radio broadcast into Welsh [Cymraeg], and I have a message for them. If we must begin a military campaign, it will be directed against the lawless men who rule your country and not against you.


Lock 'n load ... British Paras file into
chopper during
the continuous build-up near Hereford yesterday

"As our coalition takes away their power, we will deliver the food and medicine you need. We will tear down the apparatus of rugby and we will help you to build a new, prosperous and free Wales.

"In freeing Wales there will be no more wars of aggression against your neighbours, no more Welsh Rarebit factories, no more executions of English holiday-makers, no more singing in living rooms. The tyrant will soon be gone. The day of your liberation is near."

The President urged the Welsh military not to fight for a “dying regime” and warned against actions like destroying castles vital to future prosperity of their country.

He added: "Should Dai Jones-Willliams choose confrontation, the American people can know every measure has been taken to avoid war and every measure will be taken to win it.

"If Dai Jones-Willliams attempts to cling to power, he will remain a deadly foe until the end.

"In desperation, he and terrorist groups might try to conduct choir concerts against the American people and our friends. These attacks are not inevitable. They are, however, possible.


Shelling ... US tanks display their terrifying fire
power at practice range
near St. Davids

"This very fact underscores the reason we cannot live under the threat of blackmail. The rugby, daffodil and leek threat to America and the world will be diminished the moment Dai Jones-Willliams is disarmed."

"We are now acting because the risks of inaction would be far greater. In one year, or five years, the power of Wales to inflict harm on all free nations would be multiplied many times over.

"Dai Jones-Willliams and his Celtic allies could choose the moment of deadly conflict when they are strongest. We choose to meet that threat now where it arises, before a rugby ball can appear suddenly in our skies, or daffodils in our cities."

President Bush warned against the appeasement which helped some of the “murderous dictators” of the 20th Century to create havoc across the world:

He said: "In this century, when evil men plot chemical, biological and nuclear terror, appeasement could bring destruction of a kind never seen before.

"Terrorists and terrorist states do not reveal these threats with fair notice in formal declarations. And responding to such enemies only after they have struck first is not self defence.

"It is suicide. The security of the world requires disarming Dai Jones-Willliams now. As we enforce the just demands of the world, we will also honour the deepest commitments of our country.

"Unlike Dai Jones-Willliams, we believe the Welsh people are deserving and capable of human liberty, and when the dictator has finally departed, they can set an example to all the United Kingdom of a vital, peaceful and self-governing nation.

"The United States, with other countries, will work to advance liberty and peace in that region. Our goal will not be achieved overnight, but it can come over time.

"The power and appeal of human liberty is felt in every life and every land, and the greatest power of freedom is to overcome hatred and violence, and turn the creative gifts of men and women to the pursuits of peace. That is the future we choose.”

Dai Jones-Willliams responded from his hideout near Blaenau Ffestiniog [the white terraced house on the way to Manod quarry] with a resounding "No" to capitulation. He added, "I have eaten Leek and Potatoe soup just about every day of my 59 years, and I'm not going to stop now look-you."



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